Emotional intelligence is a soft skill that leaders must possess and show clearly. People are attracted to leaders with high emotional intelligence, and this is evident in the way they interact with team members and in the way they speak.
“Emotionally intelligent people want to know that their boss is emotionally intelligent, as well,” says Jonathan Feldman, CIO of the city of Asheville, NC. “That usually translates into wanting to see some self-awareness. Phrases like ‘I was wrong,’ ‘Oh, you’re right,’ and ‘I fell short on that one by not doing XYZ’ help employees know that.”
Here are eight statements you can use to communicate with your team meaningfully. Emotional intelligence is one of those skills that improves with consistent practice, not empty talk.
Start with these simple, powerful statements:
Emotionally intelligent leaders have many soft skills, and one of them is the mastery of communication, which is difficult to acquire by other people. Thus, leaders do not make assumptions based on what people say.
“Tell me more about that,” or “What did you mean when you said/did that?” gives you greater clarity without judging anyone, says Dr. Neeta Bhushan, emotional health educator and author of “Emotional GRIT.” Using such statements means leaders are not driven by judgment, but by curiosity and compassion, she says.
“The phrase ‘can you say more about that’ demonstrates a desire to better understand what the other person is saying or trying to get at, but is non-evaluative,” adds Drew Bird, founder at The EQ Development Group.
Leaders with high emotional intelligence also do not make assumptions about the way people prefer to communicate with them. For example, some people may prefer in-person conversations, while others prefer communication via emails. Hence, emotionally intelligent leaders must recognize these preferences to align their communication style with each member on their team.
“Emotionally intelligent leaders know how to communicate with empathy. And they recognize that in order to do so, they have to get to know the other person and to ask how they like to receive their information,” Colin D. Ellis, author of “The Conscious Project Leader says.” “As humans, we all like to receive communication in different ways, and high-EQ leaders will always ask.”
Giving effective feedback is one aspect emotionally intelligent leaders excel in. Sanjay Malhotra, CTO of Clearbridge Mobile, says his favorite statement is, “Looks good.”
"I know it sounds simple,” he says. “My team works day in and out to create products and work they're proud of. Sometimes things can get hectic with multiple projects and priorities, so I try to make sure everyone knows they're acknowledged and doing a good job even for a quick second. It's something so small, but I know my team appreciates hearing their hard work is worth it."
Using this statement does not only benefit team members, but effective leaders as well. It allows them to build rapport and gain deeper trust with their colleagues, which is good for everyone concerned. “Showing gratitude and acceptance is a surefire way to have positive engagement and employee satisfaction,” says Bhushan.
Although it is great to hear “good job,” personalizing it makes it even more helpful,” says Bird. “Helping people to understand why you are grateful makes it more meaningful than simply saying thanks,” he says. Bird suggests the phrase: “I really appreciate you doing that because [add the actual impact of their actions].”
Feedback requires give and take, says Ellis. “Emotionally intelligent leaders are inclusive by nature and never stop looking for opportunities to bring the thoughts and views of others into a discussion,” he says. “They recognize that they are not the smartest people in the room and look for ways to elevate others.”
Leaders with high emotional intelligence don’t run away from difficult conversations. On the contrary, they seize the chance to engage in meaningful conversations and search for common thoughts and ideas.
“The phrase ‘I have a different perspective’ is a more emotionally intelligent way to say ‘I don’t agree,’” says Bird. “Having a different perspective simply means you have an alternative view of this opportunity or challenge.”
When those different opinions cause conflict, Bird recommends using the following phrase: “It makes me [insert emotion/feeling] when you ...” This language makes it clear that the leader has formed an idea of what's going on, and the other person can see the effect of their actions, says Bird.
Most people’s creativity experiences ups and downs. Sometimes they perform at their best and get the job done right, and at some other times they need to take a rest to restore their energy and power. Emotionally intelligent leaders know this and are considerate of their employees and communicate with them to make sure they're doing well.
“There are times that people are not able to be the best, most productive versions of themselves. In times such as these, the response of emotionally intelligent leaders is not to berate them for missing a deadline or allowing the quality of work to slip. It's to ask them, in an empathetic way, whether they are OK,” says Ellis. “The wellbeing of other people is uppermost in their minds, and this is just one way that they show it.”
Empathy is an essential aspect of emotional intelligence. Bhushan says, “Showcasing empathy is the number-one way to show emotional intelligence, to demonstrate that you hear the other person and that you don’t have any hidden agenda driving your actions,” she says.
Statements such as “I hear you” and “I understand you” are useful for showing an empathic tone in your vocabulary.
Emotionally intelligent leaders don’t hesitate to admit to their mistakes. “Apologizing, in an honest way, demonstrates a high level of emotional intelligence as it shows a modesty and humility that followers really appreciate,” says Bird.
“Humility is a key behavioral trait of emotionally intelligent leaders. They have the self-awareness to know when they've said something or acted in a way that upset or undermined another human, and are determined to correct it as soon as possible,” says Ellis.
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