How Do You Disagree With Others In Terms Of Emotional Intelligence?

When everything is in place, emotional intelligence is simple to get. So, you maintain your composure under pressure, accept responsibility for your mistakes and learn from them, and take command with complete mental alertness and self-awareness.

However, circumstances will not always be ideal, and you may need to work hard to develop emotional intelligence. When conflicts arise, tensions rise as well, and both parties stick to their perspectives. Thus, it becomes difficult to maintain emotional control. This is when leaders' tenacity in working hard to improve their emotional intelligence pays off.

Try these six tactics if you find yourself in the thick of a heated workplace argument:

1. Searching for Common Ground

Conflicts are opportunities for emotionally intelligent leaders. So, before things get out of hand, take a deep breath and give yourself time to make sure you're having an informed debate. Emotionally intelligent leaders, according to Sanjay Malhotra, CTO of Clearbridge Mobile, search for possibilities amid disputes. “Leaders can easily bring more emotional intelligence to their next disagreement by looking at the situation as a means to identifying cooperative possibilities. By approaching disagreements in this way, leaders utilize two specific skills: the ability to respond and not react, and the ability to envision the bigger picture with self-awareness.”

According to Malhotra, this mentality of looking for possibilities for collaboration is incredibly helpful in reducing feelings of irritation and anger. "More importantly," he says, "self-awareness and the ability to respond encourage leaders and other emotionally intelligent individuals to examine the situation from all perspectives."

2. Empathy

Leaders understand how to put themselves in the shoes of others and examine a conflict from their perspective. If you don't understand what they're saying, ask them. Making a false assumption in a debate may backfire, as Malhotra points out, because any assumptions made in the discussion, whether they belong to others or you, must be clarified and checked for its veracity. Leaders may redirect focus and urge everyone to cooperate in pursuit of an answer or solution after getting to know everyone's varied points of view and emotions. This helps them to harness the creative potential of conflicts.

Accepting other perspectives, of course, necessitates changing your own at times, as pride is irrelevant in emotionally intelligent arguments.

“Eliminate your own pride from the equation, have an open mind, and be wise enough to recognize better ideas than your own,” says Lee Rossini, Vice President of Production at Limeade. "Seek to understand your partner’s concerns before raising your own. Listen and empathize before trying to coach the other person or present an alternative viewpoint."

3. Active listening

Emotionally intelligent leaders are known for avoiding initiating arguments, not because they don't have a valid opinion, but because they value listening above everything else. According to behavioral and management psychologist Elliott B. Jaffa, listening is a key skill that people with high emotional intelligence utilize in conflicts.

He offers a few suggestions for improving active listening skills. “Wait your turn. Never interrupt the other person while he/she is speaking. When he is finished, count ‘One Mississippi,’ and then speak,” he says. "If you are interrupted by the other person, immediately stop talking in mid-sentence. If two people are trying to speak at the same time, neither is hearing anything the other is saying or said. Never raise your voice or use an inappropriate word. To make your point, it’s best to lower your voice to just above a whisper. These points sound easy, but they all require practice, role play, and simulation to maximize your own behavioral control.”

"It has been my experience that most people want to solve their own problems, and this is the best way for them to grow professionally," says Jonathan Fries, Vice President of Engineering and Digital Transformation at Exadel. "If someone has a professional disagreement, begin by listening. Keep in mind that venting may be their way of saying they want guidance. Then ask questions and be sure you understand. Asking questions like, ‘How do you think the situation could be resolved?’ is highly effective."

4. Paying attention to your body language and tone of voice

If you wish to know the truth about another's sentiments without them being spoken verbally, pay attention to two indicators that reveal their actual goals and emotional motivations, as Rossini says. “In disagreements, I watch for two indicators: body language, and the type and tone of words used. Between these two indicators, it’s pretty clear if the individual is truly interested in resolving the conflict or just being ‘right.’ Often the emotional state of an individual is anchored in pride, where being right on a particular topic or approach is linked to that person’s own assessment of self-worth/value. Unfortunately, that pride can come before doing what is truly right for the business or the team.”

Rossini recommends observing the person's closed-off, cynical, and interruptive conduct, as well as their demeanor of blaming others without accepting responsibility for a problem, and then assessing your body language and tone of voice to ensure your purpose is not misconstrued.

5. Getting out of the argument

Sometimes, the most emotionally intelligent approach to deal with a conflict is to avoid it, and for leaders, this may be an essential strategy for modeling a healthy conflict. According to Fries, one of the best ways to do so is to define your expectations for resolving a disagreement.

He advises that we say things like, "Are you going to chat to John this week? Please keep me updated on how things are going” or “Please listen to the other side of the conflict and aim at making both parties satisfied.”

"Only get involved further if the sides seem unwilling or unable to reach a decision," Fries advises. "It is hard not to jump in sometimes, but this distance can be a manager’s most valuable asset."

6. Assumption of goodwill

Conflict is something that no one enjoys. If a person becomes involved in a workplace dispute, there is no doubt that their point of view indicates a red line that no one is permitted to cross.

Rossini adds, "It’s very unlikely that the person you are working with woke up that morning deciding to be rude or search for an argument."

When dealing with conflicts, he says, emotionally intelligent leaders assume positive intentions.